Shadow Lover Read online

  “Because I wanted you too much.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  His hand moved down her neck and chest to her breast, where it paused. One finger drew slow, liquid circles around her hard nipple, sidetracking her attention for a moment.

  “I wanted your life, Serena. I wanted you with me for the rest of my existence.”

  She stared up into his steady gaze, understanding that she’d nearly met her mortal end three months earlier, both on the street and in her bed.

  As she studied his blue-gold eyes, she found herself wondering if she would have protested the conversion.

  “Can you make me a vampire?”

  He raised one eyebrow. “I can, possibly. But I won’t.”

  “Why not? What if I want to be one?”

  “I haven’t offered you the choice.”

  “I noticed.” Unexpected anger flared.

  Undoubtedly sensing her emotion, he kissed her again, and her anger faded at the intimate pleasure. His palm slid across her breast, teasing the hard nipple, increasing the ache his fingers had produced.

  As he parted her legs with his own, the ache spread through all of her, reaching her limbs. She opened herself to him, trembling with anticipation. He kissed her neck and shoulder, and pressed her to the bed with his weight. She felt his engorged cock, cool between her thighs.

  His skin seemed impossibly smooth under her hands as she skimmed his back and sides, and then slipped over his firm butt.

  He drew in a sharp breath and rose up on his elbows.

  “Listen to me, Serena,” he said. “You must do as I say. Do you understand?”

  She saw fear on his face for the first time, and realized that she was balanced on a knife’s edge she hadn’t noticed. In spite of that, her body responded to his in puppet-like fashion, writhing and lifting to meet his touch.

  She nodded, ready to agree to anything as long as he continued.

  “We must go slowly,” he said.

  But she didn’t want slowly. Her body swelled with needing him. Every inch of her felt ready to explode. After three months, she’d had enough of slowly.

  She reached between them to stroke his stomach, moving lower. If she could wrap her hand around his swollen cock, he might give up on slowly.

  Griffin snatched her hand out and pinned it above her head. “No,” he whispered.

  She grunted dissatisfaction with the arrangement, but he simply drew her other hand up and pinned it, too. He held both hands with one of his without effort, in spite of her struggle.

  “Griffin—”

  His free hand then did what hers could not and slid between them, his knuckles riding the ridges of her ribs and the trough of her belly, until his hand came to rest between her legs. Soft like silk, his fingers stroked her nub, slipping in the juices welling in her, inviting her to rise up into clouds of desire.

  She obeyed, arching her back as he dipped and emerged.

  “Yes,” he hissed, “so sweet.”

  Need skittered up the backs of her thighs, tingling inside her belly, pulsing through the muscles in her buttocks and breasts. She’d never felt such strong urges in her life, and could think of only one thing.

  “Take me now, Griffin, please.”

  “Hush,” he said, his voice low and threatening. “Don’t tempt me.”

  She raised her knees on each side of him and rolled her hips, offering herself to him, wanting him to mount her with animal urgency.

  He growled in response, and her skin rose in goose bumps.

  “Hold still,” he whispered, with desperation that should have worried her.

  She tried to obey, tightening her jaw against the urge to move.

  He adjusted his body then to meet hers, and she felt the glorious pressure of his thick cock nudging against her wet vaginal lips.

  Years of fantasy collided with unbelievable passion as he started into her, and she thrashed her head from side to side, fighting the engulfing sea of longing. She didn’t want it to end yet. She wanted to enjoy the feel of him buried inside her, to know his body joined with hers in bliss.

  But her body protested restraint as he pushed deeper, one careful inch at a time, reaching for the center of her soul with his slick, hardness, filling her more than any man had, reaching the end and pushing deeper still. His mouth moved across her skin, tasting her neck and lips.

  Muscles swelled and tightened, seeking release. Her breath came in quick stuttered gasps.

  She needed more, but stretched no farther.

  Too much, and not enough.

  He withdrew and thrust in steady strokes.

  Wet and hard.

  Deeper.

  She felt the moment approach, felt the blessed relief, and cried out with joy.

  And then his thoughts assaulted her brain, and her universe switched off.

  Chapter Four: The Fantasy

  Serena sat in a sunny green field, wearing jeans and a T-shirt, her bare feet tucked up under her. Insects buzzed and birds sang, and somewhere nearby, water gurgled around boulders.

  “Where am I?”

  “You’re with me,” he said.

  In spite of not being able to see him, she took comfort in Griffin’s voice.

  “Where?” She rose, brushing grass from her palms. The air smelled impossibly sweet.

  “We’re in the void, Serena, in a place where only the two of us exist. Your mind is open to me now. Here I control your thoughts.”

  She spun around and found him standing behind her, smiling. A soft breeze lifted his hair from his shoulders and danced strands across his forehead.

  He didn’t look like a vampire now, and for the first time she realized what he’d looked like as a man. His blue eyes, though still gorgeous, were much darker than she’d seen them, and his skin had been bronzed by the sun. With his fine features and wide shoulders, he defined male beauty in any century.

  He wore a loose white shirt with sleeves gathered at his wrists and tight black pants that ended in knee-high leather boots, much as she’d pictured when he stood in her living room.

  “I could simply wipe clean your memory, but I don’t wish to do that. I want to show you the truth,” he said. “Once you’ve seen it, you’ll understand. I want you with me, Serena, but I can’t risk it. Once you’ve experienced the Darkness, you’ll understand why I refuse to try.”

  He offered her a hand, palm raised.

  She felt no fear now, as she slipped her hand into his, surprised by the human warmth.

  He laced their fingers and drew her close. His breath brushed across her cheeks and lips as he lowered his mouth to hers.

  With human longing, he kissed her, holding her in his trembling arms. She clung to his shoulders and savored this impossible embrace, opening her mouth and heart to him.

  When he ended the kiss, she rested her head on his shoulder, as he soothed her hair and hugged her.

  “Hold on to me,” he whispered, “with all your strength.”

  She nodded.

  Suddenly, she was plunged into an abyss of darkness, falling.

  Images flashed before her eyes as something of a blur, but it was the emotions burning in her soul that told the story.

  A woman ran into the night, and Serena screamed in horror as steel-covered wheels rolled over her. Such sorrow, a deep gash in her heart as she held the broken body in her lap and rocked.

  Rebecca. This was Rebecca!

  Serena felt Griffin’s horror as her own. She realized he was showing her his past as more than just pictures. She was Griffin.

  “Do you truly wish to save her?” An old man with white hair and white eyes stood beside him, wearing tattered clothes that had once belonged to a gentleman.

  “Yes,” Griffin said.

  “At any price?”

  “There’s no price too high. Please, I beg of you, show me how.”

  As the old man sank his fangs into Griffin’s neck, Griffin realized he’d been tricked. He knew he would die, but he d
idn’t care. He’d wait in the afterworld to greet his true love.

  And then he woke to excruciating pain, but it quickly passed.

  He knew he must use the Darkness to save Rebecca, that he could not exist without her. He drained her of life, and watched as the old man brought her back.

  Death without death. Life without life.

  Rebecca stood before him, reborn, beautiful again, but angry and sad at the need to kill. “Why have you done this to me?”

  Years of cruelties together, hunting for food, taking life to survive, led to anguish. And the roar of loss ripped through him for the second time, when he woke to find her gone, no longer feeling the connection. Rebecca. Gone to the sunlight, this time truly forever. How could he go on without her?

  The visions whirled around, faster and faster, like lights from a crazed merry-go-round.

  Decades passed, and he wandered alone, untouched, unfeeling. Everywhere he went, death surrounded him. A woman with auburn hair lay dead beside him. And another, a blonde. Too many to remember, yet each impossible to forget.

  He craved the light, just one blinding moment of sunshine to ease the sorrow.

  The visions slowed as he saw a young woman walking alone through an alley.

  Recognition came with a start, and Serena realized he had watched her. Not now, but years ago. He had been her shadow hero, the one she thought was only a dream. And later, from the shadows, he watched again on a different sidewalk, an empty sidewalk in Santa Fe, where he had to act to keep her alive.

  He felt a tenderness, a love of sorts. He wanted to be near her, to hold her.

  The visions faded, and all emotion sank down to a point of quiet despair, replaced by hunger—all-consuming hunger. Hunger clawed at every pore, driving him against a hurricane of resistance. He heard a heartbeat so loud it nearly burst his eardrums, and he smelled the coppery scent of blood, as heavenly to him as any flower.

  No more! She couldn’t take feeling his infinite loneliness and hunger. She’d fly apart and lose her sanity.

  She tried to scream, but couldn’t.

  And then, like a rubber band snapping back, she was flung into her own body, back to the present in her own bed with Griffin’s arms around her, and she cried out with joy.

  Waves of thick, pure pleasure washed over her, and she clung to him as he drove her to release, his steely cock stretching her, offering more, demanding all, plunging deeper.

  She rushed up to meet each thrust, her mouth open against his cool chest, her fingers digging into the muscles of his back. Too much, too intense, she rode out the waves, drowning in the troughs, exalting in each crest.

  Slowly, the waves lessened and eased into swells. His urgent thrusts slowed to long, sensuous strokes, then stopped.

  She enjoyed the peace of their bodies entwined. Her senses felt raw and abused, but her soul seemed at peace, perhaps for the first time in years.

  “You see now,” he whispered. “I can’t have you.”

  “But you brought Rebecca into the Darkness.”

  “With help. I’ve lost others.” He nuzzled her neck, sending goose bumps in waves across her back. “I can’t take the chance of losing you, or making you miserable. You’re so much like her, and the hunger is more powerful than you know.”

  “Don’t you see? Griffin, I’m not like her. Not at all. I can handle it, as long as we’re together. There’s no reason either of us has to be alone.”

  He raised himself up to his elbows and smiled down at her, his eyes once again glittering gold. He still filled her, and he seemed in no hurry to end their link.

  “I’m willing to take the chance,” she said.

  He studied her face as if to memorize it.

  She realized it was pointless to argue. “Why have you followed me all these years?”

  “The years have passed like hours for me.”

  He rolled them over then, withdrew and urged her head to his chest. “Sleep,” he whispered.

  “But I don’t want to forget.”

  “Hush, my sweet.”

  “In summary, death is the one great mystery of life, the feared unknown that each of us must face. That’s why we invent creatures such as vampires.”

  Serena scanned the audience before her, a sea of college kids scribbling notes.

  “Any questions?”

  One young woman raised her hand. “And you’re sure they aren’t real? Vampires, I mean.”

  Laughter tittered through the crowd, and the student slumped in her seat.

  “I know it’s tempting to believe in these sensual, immortal creatures created by Hollywood and a multitude of authors, but I assure you they’re completely fictitious.”

  Her gaze slid across the auditorium and stopped on the far door, which was now opened a crack, as if someone were peeking in from the unlit hallway. A shiver ran through her, but she didn’t know why.

  “They do, however, make wonderful fantasies,” she added.

  Several of the women nodded, a few blushed and most of the young men made immature noises of disgust.

  “Okay, you have your assignment. Find a copy of Dracula, the original 1931 movie, not a remake, and be prepared to discuss the lesson about immortality we’re supposed to take away from it.”

  Two of the guys did a high five as they stood. Watching horror flicks for homework never failed to meet with approval.

  “See you all next week.” Serena closed her notebook and shoved it into her bag as she watched the students leave, then she followed them out into the darkness.

  As much as she enjoyed her students’ exuberance, something about their wide-eyed wonder made her tired. Every semester seemed to be the same as the last, and that thought depressed her. Maybe if she were returning home to a family or a husband, she might feel differently.

  But she wasn’t. Her house would be cold and dark, just as it was every Wednesday evening.

  Her heels clicked on the asphalt as she cut across the parking lot.

  Two blocks from her house, she passed an office building set back from the street where the shadows were deep, and she thought she saw someone standing outside the door watching her. With her heart suddenly in her throat, she stopped and stared, but found no one there.

  She glanced around the empty street, swallowed hard, and hurried on. “You’re seeing things again,” she said, wondering if she should worry about talking to herself.

  Her house was exactly as she expected, and she switched on the closest lamp as she locked the door. After tossing her bag onto the sofa and kicking off her shoes, she turned on two more lights on her way to the kitchen.

  What she needed was a nice, hot cup of tea, and maybe a good book. She nodded to herself as she placed the kettle on the stove. If she were married, she couldn’t just curl up with a cup of tea and good book whenever she felt like it. She should be happy to be alone.

  As she stared at the dancing blue flame, she considered the moment a short time earlier when she’d thought someone was watching her. She’d been terrified, of course, but there was more to it than that. It was as if she’d expected someone she knew to be standing in that shadow.

  That was absurd.

  Wasn’t it?

  Something prickled at the back of her mind. Something vague. Was it the old fantasy of her secret lover, the one she’d dreamt of as a teenager?

  Serena filled her cup with hot water and dunked the tea bag as she carried the drink carefully to the living room.

  Maybe she needed a cat. At least a cat could greet her when she came home in the evening, and sit on the sofa with her while she read. Not a bad idea. Something to consider.

  As she waited for her tea to steep, she closed her eyes, listened to the silence, and tried to remember what her fantasy man had looked like. He’d been tall and dark, and most definitely handsome. That was the cliché, wasn’t it? But there’d been a quality to him that was both frightening and exciting. Funny that she couldn’t quite remember.

  With a sigh, sh
e opened her eyes and drew her teabag from the cup.

  Time to face reality. No man could ever measure up to her fantasy. She needed to forget about her shadow lover. Otherwise, she just might end up spending her entire life alone.

  She glanced at the empty end of the sofa. “Definitely. A cat.”

  Chapter Five: The Choice

  “To put it simply, your heart has suffered a great deal of damage and is still enlarged. We can repair the valve problem causing the murmur, but the infection left scars we can’t easily fix, and the size is a serious issue.” Dr. Thorpe gave her the same sympathetic smile she’d grown used to seeing since first being admitted to the hospital two weeks earlier. “Don’t worry. We aren’t out of options yet. I’ll go ahead and put you on the waiting list.”

  “Waiting list?” Serena noted the familiar flush of terror sliding up her neck.

  “For a transplant.”

  “A heart transplant?” She closed her eyes and swallowed hard. “Oh, my God.”

  Dr. Thorpe rested his hand on her covered foot. “Dr. Brockman, medicine has made great strides in this field in the past few years. People with transplanted hearts can live quite a long time. There are risks, but we’ll deal with those as they arise. The main thing is for you to rest and conserve your strength so we can keep you with us while we wait for a donor.”

  Serena nodded. “Yes. Thank you, doctor.”

  She listened to his soft footsteps leave her room and the door squeak shut behind him, and then she let the tears fall.

  How could this be happening? She was only forty-eight. One minute she’s feeling a little achy, the next she’s in the emergency room trying to figure out where three days have gone. If not for her teaching job and a handful of students wondering why she’d missed her class, she would probably have died in her home and no one would have known for who knows how long.

  Taking her time, Serena eased her legs over the side of the bed, sat up and wiped her eyes as she looked outside. Evening sparkled in the fading sunset, and car lights snaked through a quiet neighborhood beneath her window. Everything looked just as it had two weeks ago when her world had been normal and the future had spread endlessly before her.

  The one thing Dr. Thorpe hadn’t said was that she could die at any moment, but she knew it. And if she didn’t die suddenly from a massive heart attack, chances were good she’d fade away while waiting for someone else to die. What a horrible thought.